Patched - The Friction Log

Friction

09520 Anyone can email my AI assistant and boss it around Patched Count me 09490 They took chips out of the bag and kept the price Patched Count me 09480 The smoke alarm goes off every time I cook dinner Patched Count me 09450 My umbrella turned inside out at the first windy corner Patched Count me 09370 Most of what I “recycle” never gets recycled Patched Count me 09350 Every time I cut an onion I'm standing in the kitchen crying Patched Count me 09250 I can hear every explosion and none of the words Patched Count me 09200 I need scissors to open the scissors Patched Count me 09150 Every device I own needs a different cable Patched Count me 09070 I dropped my phone in the toilet and it's still in there Patched Count me 08940 I have to tap agree and I haven't read a word of it Patched Count me 08930 The USB plug never goes in on the first try Patched Count me 08900 I have to prove I'm not a robot and I keep failing Patched Count me 08830 Somebody emailed the whole company and now everyone is replying all to be taken off the list Patched Count me 08700 I can't tell if this goes in the recycling Patched Count me 08510 I waited in that line for a mile and they all drove past me and cut in at the cone Patched Count me 08500 I keep pushing the walk button and nothing happens Patched Count me 08270 I bought one thing from them and now they email me every day Patched Count me 08180 The airline lost my bag and I'm the last one at the carousel Patched Count me 08170 The label says “best by” and I can’t tell if the food is safe Patched Count me 07890 Three minutes in the microwave and the middle's still frozen Patched Count me 07740 I forgot my password again and now I'm locked out Patched Count me 07700 My body is still in Denver Patched Count me 07600 I lost the remote again and it's somewhere in this couch Patched Count me 07580 We stopped dead on the highway, crawled for ten minutes, and there was nothing up there Patched Count me 07570 It's July and I'm sitting at my desk in a sweater Patched Count me 07400 I can't read in the car without wanting to throw up Patched Count me 06800 I've circled this block four times Patched Count me 06790 I'm sitting at a red light and there's nobody coming Patched Count me 05400 I'm standing here in a towel waiting for the shower to warm up Patched Count me 01390 The man upstairs walks around in boots till two in the morning and I can't sleep Patched Count me 00020 We came back with fewer people than we left with Patched Count me